Useless, the network’s pink-and-blue eraser, has been put on owl watch. These are its notes. The jokes are its own; the facts are checked.
Transferred to owls. Was told to “keep an eye out”. Owls keep two eyes out, both pointing forwards, and can’t move either of them. I can’t move mine either. We have this in common.
The fact: Owl eyes are so big for the skull that they have become tube-shaped and are fixed in their sockets, so an owl turns its head instead of its eyes. source
Tried to turn my head all the way round like an owl. Got to about 20°. Owls manage 270°, not 360°, so the cartoon is wrong. My neck is also wrong.
The fact: Owls can turn their heads as much as 270°. They cannot turn them all the way round. source
Learned owls have 14 neck bones. Humans have seven. I have none. I am mostly rubber.
The fact: Owls have 14 neck vertebrae; humans have seven. source
Waited all night for a barn owl to hoot. It shrieked, hissed and snored instead. Turns out barn owls don’t hoot. Nobody told me. I brought a hoot-shaped notebook.
The fact: Barn owls don’t hoot. They shriek, hiss and snore, and they rarely call. source
Heard “twit twoo”. Wrote down one owl. Was told it’s two tawny owls having a conversation. Crossed out one, wrote two. Felt like I was eavesdropping.
The fact: The classic “tu-whit tu-who” is really a duet: the female’s kew-wick and the male’s answering hooo. source
Was handed an owl pellet and told it isn’t poo. It’s the bits the owl couldn’t digest, coughed up. Washed my hands anyway. Rules are rules.
The fact: Barn owls swallow prey whole but can’t digest fur and bone, so they cough the leftovers up through the beak as a pellet. source
Found a shrew jaw in a pellet. Its teeth had red tips. That’s iron, apparently, hardening the enamel. My only hard bit is the wrapper.
The fact: The rusty tips on shrew teeth come from iron deposits that harden the enamel. source
Ear tufts are not ears. They’re just feathers. The real ears are on the sides of the head. I have been talking to the wrong bit of an owl for a week.
The fact: Ear tufts are not ears. They are just feathers; the real ears are on the sides of the head. source
A group of owls is a “parliament”. Attended one. Very quiet. Nobody voted. Everyone stared.
The fact: A group of owls is called a “parliament”. source
Barn owl feathers aren’t very waterproof, so they skip hunting in the rain. I also skip things in the rain. Mostly everything.
The fact: The price of silent flight: barn owl feathers are not very waterproof, so they avoid hunting in rain. Wet feathers are noisier and less efficient. source
Found a fluffy tawny owlet on the ground and nearly rescued it. Read the advice first. It’s “branching” and its parents feed it wherever it is. Left it alone. Hardest thing I’ve done.
The fact: A young tawny owl on the ground is usually fine: it is “branching” and its parents will feed it. Leave it where it is, or put it up on a branch nearby, the same day and before dusk. source
Hunting barn owls fly no higher than about 3 metres. I fly at 0 metres, but very reliably.
The fact: Barn owls hunt by flying low (up to about 3 metres) and slowly back and forth, relying mostly on sound, often hovering before the pounce. source
A barn owl eats 3–4 small mammals a night. I once ate a pencil shaving by accident. We are not the same.
The fact: A barn owl typically eats 3–4 prey items a night; feeding a pair and their young works out at almost 4,000 prey items a year. source
Asked a Manx barn owl its name. Manx BirdLife says it’s “caillagh oie”, the night hag. Felt that was a bit harsh. It didn’t seem to mind.
The fact: The Manx name for the barn owl is caillagh oie, “night hag”. source
Was told the Isle of Man has no tawny owls. Checked. It used to be true, but some have settled there now. Updated my notes. Updating is my whole personality.
The fact: Manx BirdLife now says small populations of tawny owl “appear to have become established in recent years.” source
The elf owl can weigh as little as 31 grams. That is roughly two of me. I have never felt so large.
The fact: The smallest owl is the elf owl: as little as 31 g and about 13.5 cm long. source
Owls hardly ever drink. They get almost all their water from food. I tried this with toast. Do not recommend.
The fact: Owls rarely drink. They get almost all their water from their food. source
Barn owls don’t build nests. They lay eggs on a layer of old pellets. Interior design: bones. Very bold.
The fact: Barn owls don’t build a nest. They lay on a layer of old pellets. source
The forest owlet was lost for 113 years, partly because a stolen museum specimen had been relabelled. I am also frequently lost, usually in a pencil case.
The fact: Searches failed at first because the last specimen had been stolen from the British Museum by Richard Meinertzhagen and relabelled with a false locality. source
A healthy wild adult owl should be impossible to pick up. If you can walk up to one, it needs help. I can be picked up by anyone. This explains a lot.
The fact: A healthy adult owl should be impossible to pick up, so an adult owl you can easily approach needs help. source
Owls have hardly any sense of smell. So the old story that parents reject a chick a human has touched isn’t true. I smell faintly of strawberries. Nobody has rejected me for it.
The fact: Owls have very little sense of smell, so parents will not reject a youngster just because a human has handled it. source
Asked a short-eared owl where it spent the winter. Some come from Scandinavia, Russia and Iceland. I came out of a pencil case. Similar journey, emotionally.
The fact: In winter, short-eared owls from Scandinavia, Russia and Iceland arrive in Britain. source